Creatures of Habit

This week we read about reading lives and habits. The first phrase that came to mind is that people are creatures of habit. I noticed that most of my days are made up of several habits which are sometimes interrupted by other events or happenings. My reading life is what most could call very interrupted, or rather, placed on pause. This semester has helped me carve out more time for reading and thinking about my habits. For me, there are two main modes of reading. Reading to study and reading for pleasure. Each reading mode looks completely different.

When I am reading to study, if it be textbooks or academic articles, I have a particular chair I sit in. Over the years, I have lived in about five different places and in each house I have unintentionally picked one seat for studying purposes. When I read to study, I have to sit upright, and my seat is usually at a dining table. My book will be on one side with my notes on the other. Just within reach are all my colors. Yes, my colors. If I am studying with seriousness, I have all my colored pens and markers laying in neat rows ready to be used in my notes. Also, I typically have a glass of water beside my book. And this is how I read to study. I never noticed these habits before but after thinking about this topic, I realize I am truly a creature of habit.

When I am reading for pleasure, there is not much structure. I could be sitting on the couch, in bed, at a table, in the car, wherever! It can be anytime of the day or night as long as I have some light. I recently bought a reading light because my husband tends to sleep early and sleeps best when I am there beside him. I take these opportunities to read for leisure or catch up on reading assignments. What DO I read for leisure? Well, some books but mostly articles online or posts on Pinterest.

Some people walk and read--that is not me. Some commonalities between reading to study or reading for pleasure is that I need to be sitting down and the environment should have minimal noise (honestly, any noise is fine except the TV).

All in all, I want to read more. I want to be that person who read the book and "thought it was so much better than the movie" because from what I've heard, it's ALWAYS better than the movie.

Kids will be Kids

As I am reading the novel Wonder by R.J. Palacio, many memories of my schooling come to mind. In Wonder, ten-year-old Auggie who was born with a facial deformity attends school for the first time in his life after being home-schooled. When at school, he faces the pressures of fitting in to a new school environment, people mocking him based off of his appearance, and the challenges of establishing genuine friendships. His struggles pushed me down some harsh streets on memory lane.

"Kids will be kids" and "Kids say the darndest things" are two phrases I've heard to explain away actions or words children may do or say. When I was in school, I experienced times in middle and high school where my friends made fun of my devotion to my religion (Christianity). They poked fun at me when I brought Bible verses to school to memorize and the fact that I did not show physical affection to boys because I believed that I should be older/more spiritually mature before getting into a relationship or anything remotely like a relationship. The emotions that were generated in me during those moments were a great mix of confusion, helplessness, anger, frustration, and hurt all mixed into one big ball in the middle of me. Though those moments of being made fun of were not abusive or extreme in any way, I remember them as clear as day--more than any lesson or experience in all my secondary schooling.

I can relate to a fraction of what Auggie was going through in this novel. He, unfortunately, was always being stared at regardless of where he went or what he did. Reading this novel is helping me feel grateful for the blessings of health that I have been given and reminds me that words can be very hurtful. Regardless of who is there or not there, it is important to speak good about others otherwise it may come back to bite.

To end my post, I love one of the precepts mentioned in Mr. Browne's class in Wonder.
"When given the choice between being right, or being kind, choose kind." 
This is a quote I will keep at the forefront of my mind in this new week as I interact with the world around me.

The Journey to a Word

In one of my Master's courses, were are assigned to choose a word goal for the semester. This was great! Instead of carrying around a laundry list of new year's resolutions, I would be able to focus my attention on one, unforgettable word. So what would that one word be?

I reflected on several words that popped into my mind immediately: growth, maturity, perseverance, positivity, finisher, well-rounded, achieve, and the list went on and on. Endurance, peace, diligence, purity, faithful, and fulfillment. My one-word goal turned out to be a laundry list of its own as I started to think about the year. Questions emerged from the chaos of my thoughts--how can I pick just ONE word? How do I even go about doing this? There are so many great words, but which one is right for me? How will picking this one word affect my year?

Before sleeping one night, I sat up with my back against the wooden headboard of our bed whispering quietly as I prayed to the Lord about which word He thought would guide me for the year ahead. As I struggled to silence my thoughts, the words "fulfillment" and "perseverance" came to mind.

The next week of class came and these were the words I shared with my peers. As I drove home, I realized that even those words did not seem completely right for me. Were these words truly inspired? I realized that even in my time of prayer, I was so excited to pick a word that I did not completely quiet my mind, and instead, pushed words to the forefront of my mind. Since the Lord did not say "no" then it must be what He wanted too. We tend to do that sometimes, right? We may say that the Lord is leading us in this way or that but sometimes the reality is that we are simply scratching the surface, and since the Lord may be quietly waiting for us to go deeper, we take what we find on the surface and run with it rather than letting the deep things to truly emerge from His Spirit.

So once again, I was in prayer. What was that one word?
"Lord, give me the heart to move past the surface-level things and dig deeper."
And as clear as day, there it appeared on the canvas of my heart.

Abide.

Abiding in the Lord. Abiding in His will. Abiding in Him which births the fruit of the Spirit in my life. There are many goals I have for myself but where have these goals come from? As I traced back the visions I have right now, I realized that they have come from the inspiration of the Lord. So far, I have tried to fulfill these goals out of my own strength but that is not what the Lord wanted for me.

As I abide in Him day by day, slowly and surely, He guides me and teaches me how to order my life and how to fulfill the tasks set before me.

John 15:4 "Abide in Me, and I in you. Just as a branch is unable to produce fruit by itself unless it remains on the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me."